You see each other as real people, the good and the bad, not some idealized version. When conflict, anger, or hurt feelings arise, you're committed to working through them. What makes a good lover?
There's an electric chemistry between couples that is unique to them. Smell, voice, touch, and kissing style all figure in. Technical skills and good hygiene are also important. But beyond these, here are some characteristics to look for. What stops us from being good lovers? Frequently it's time constraints, self-centeredness, inhibitions, and lack of technique.
Also, our minds won't shut off which keeps us from being in the moment. Further, many of us resist surrendering to how sexy we really are. We haven't learned to see ourselves as sexy. We've been brainwashed by the "skinny ideal. Growing up, most of us haven't been given the right kind of education about what true sexiness is. If only we'd been taught that sexuality is a healthy, natural part of us that we must embody in a mindful, loving way -- not something "dirty" or something to be ashamed of.
Early on we learn that the words vagina and penis embarrass people. Affection and intimacy afterward are a great way to bond and express intimacy, demonstrating that sex is something special that you do together.
Research shows that couples that spoon, cuddle, or otherwise show affection after sex tend to be more satisfied with their relationships and sex lives in the long run. So if you can make after sex affection a habit, your relationship will probably end up in a stronger place. Also, you may need to adjust and try new strategies over the course of a long-term relationship because we all change and evolve over time. The willingness to get better in bed is the first step, but the rest is downhill from there.
The most effective strategies to improve your sex life involve multiple methods working together in unison, with an emphasis on building intimate communication, resetting your expectations, and being up for trying new things like talking to a sex therapist. He is also a prolific researcher who has published more than 50 academic works, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality that is used in college classrooms around the world.
Lehmiller is one of the media's go-to experts on sex and has been interviewed by The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, and CNN; he has also appeared on dozens of radio, podcast, and television programs. Yes, explore products. No, I think I'm good.
Your Cart is Empty X. Continue Shopping X. Discreet shipping, guaranteed. Social Psychologist, researcher at The Kinsey Institute.
Delay Spray. Justin Lehmiller Dr. Sex is often about teetering on the edge of giving and receiving. A standout lover is one who can maneuver this fine balance with grace. If you want to tie your partner up, perhaps you make sure this is something he or she would derive pleasure from. Maybe you love giving oral sex, but also love getting it. If you know how to masterfully explore all realms of erotic pleasure — taking what you want, but also giving what the other person needs — you automatically have an advantage.
Having complementary interests in bed is critical to a fulfilling sexual experience. If one person enjoys being spanked, it would be unfortunate if his or her lover did not enjoy spanking; if you want to role play, it would be awkward if your partner was not about that. Another vital element is a willingness to explore interests outside of your comfort zone. It should be a fun way to try new things in a safe way.
Life is hard, but it's better when you're not alone. Sign up for our newsletter and get our Self-Care and Solidarity eBook just because we love you! By Averi Clements. By Lyndsie Robinson. Search Search for:. About Contact Privacy Policy. Facebook Instagram Pinterest. Are You Good In Bed? Share this article now! Have something to add? Jump to the comments. She's on Twitter courtooo Have something to say?
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